There’s a certain kind of heartbreak that doesn’t happen overnight.
It unfolds quietly between the promises that were never meant to be kept and the sudden silence that follows them.
If you’ve ever been future faked by an avoidant, you know exactly what I mean.
They don’t just walk away.
They make you believe in a life that was never going to happen.
What Future Faking Really Means
Future faking isn’t just lying it’s emotional manipulation disguised as love.
It’s the illusion of commitment used to keep you emotionally invested while the avoidant stays in control.
They talk about holidays you’ll never take, homes you’ll never buy, weddings that were never real.
They say “one day” just enough times to make you believe in “someday.”
And the cruel part?
At the time, they sound sincere. They might even believe it — because avoidants crave connection but fear what comes next: real emotional intimacy.
When closeness becomes uncomfortable, when love starts feeling safe instead of exciting, they pull away.
The fantasy dies and you’re left wondering what was real.
Why Avoidants Future Fake
Avoidant partners fear rejection but often cause it.
They fear being trapped yet build attachments that make you feel stuck.
Future faking gives them the illusion of closeness without the risk of vulnerability.
They can say all the right things — “I’ve never felt this way before,” “You’re my future,” “You’re the one” — while never actually showing up when it matters.
They want love that’s available when convenient and gone when uncomfortable.
They want the story of connection without the work of consistency.
So they promise a future to hold you in the present until they’re ready to leave.
How It Feels to Be Discarded
Being discarded by an avoidant isn’t just heartbreak it’s emotional disorientation.
One day you’re everything they said they wanted; the next, you’re “too much” or “wanting different things.”
You start replaying every message, every promise, trying to pinpoint the moment the fantasy ended.
You wonder how someone who said “forever” could vanish like a stranger.
But here’s the truth:
They didn’t stop caring overnight — they stopped coping.
Real intimacy exposes their insecurities.
They run not because you were wrong for them, but because you saw them too clearly.
The Psychology Behind It
Avoidant attachment usually develops from early emotional experiences where closeness felt unsafe or conditional.
They learned to protect themselves by shutting down, detaching, or pretending they don’t need anyone.
So when you come along with genuine love, their nervous system goes into survival mode.
They long for connection but fear losing themselves inside it.
That’s why they future fake it’s their way of staying in control of something they secretly can’t handle.
Healing After the Discard
Healing from future faking means grieving two losses:
- The person.
- The future you thought you were building together.
You have to accept that those promises weren’t lies in the usual sense they were projections of what they wished they could be.
But you can’t build love on potential.
You can’t build a life on words.
And you can’t heal while waiting for someone who’s already emotionally gone.
Real closure comes when you stop analysing why they left and start focusing on why you stayed so long waiting for them to come back.
Avoidants will make you question your worth, but their silence says more about their wounds than your value.
They don’t leave because you weren’t enough — they leave because you represented something they’ve spent years avoiding: real love, real intimacy, real accountability.
And while they retreat into emotional distance, you grow into strength.
Because being discarded by an avoidant isn’t the end — it’s the beginning of becoming someone who won’t settle for almost love ever again.
Call to Action:
If this piece resonated with you, explore The Narcissist Handbook or The Journey Back to You two books that dive deeper into emotional manipulation, trauma bonds, and the journey back to self-worth.