One of the biggest misconceptions about narcissism is that narcissistic people are confident, self-assured and completely comfortable in their own skin.

Many aren't.

In fact, some people who display narcissistic traits can suffer from significant anxiety, insecurity and a constant need for reassurance. At first glance, this can make their behaviour seem confusing. How can someone be anxious and still be narcissistic?

The answer is that anxiety and narcissism are not opposites.

Anxiety is an emotional state. Narcissism is a pattern of behaviour and personality traits.

Someone can feel anxious while still manipulating others. Someone can have low self-esteem while still lacking empathy. Someone can be deeply insecure while still needing constant admiration and validation.

In many cases, the narcissistic behaviour is actually driven by the anxiety.

A person who constantly worries about being rejected may become controlling in relationships. Someone who fears criticism may react with anger whenever their behaviour is questioned. A person who relies on external validation to feel worthy may become obsessed with attention, status, appearance or what others think of them.

The problem is not necessarily the anxiety itself.

The real issue is how that anxiety is managed.

Healthy people with anxiety usually recognise their feelings and take responsibility for them. They seek support, communicate openly and work on understanding their triggers.

People with strong narcissistic traits often do the opposite. They project their fears onto others, blame those around them for their emotional state and expect others to manage their feelings for them.

This can create a cycle where a partner is constantly walking on eggshells.

One minute they are being told they are loved, needed and wanted. The next they are being criticised, blamed or made to feel responsible for problems they didn't create.

Over time, this can have a devastating impact on the other person's confidence, self-esteem and mental health.

It is important to remember that having anxiety does not excuse harmful behaviour.

Many people struggle with anxiety every day without manipulating, controlling or emotionally hurting those around them.

Understanding this distinction can be an important step in recognising unhealthy relationship dynamics.

One of the mistakes many people make is assuming that if someone is anxious, vulnerable or struggling emotionally, they cannot also be displaying narcissistic behaviours. Unfortunately, that isn't always true. Some of the most damaging relationships involve a partner whose insecurity, need for validation and fear of rejection drives behaviour that leaves those closest to them feeling confused, drained and emotionally exhausted.

Over the past few years, I have spent a great deal of time learning about relationship trauma, emotional abuse, narcissistic behaviours and the impact they can have on mental health. Through my own experiences, counselling and research, I came to understand that recognising these patterns is often the first step towards recovery.

Many of the topics discussed in this article are explored in greater detail in The Narcissist Handbook. The book examines common narcissistic behaviours, manipulation tactics, trauma bonding, emotional abuse and the warning signs that are often missed until someone finds themselves trapped in an unhealthy relationship.

Because sometimes the most important question isn't why someone behaves the way they do.

It's why we continue to tolerate behaviour that slowly destroys our own sense of self.

Understanding the difference can be the first step towards healing.